Real men don't walk away from the babies
By Bill Cosby and Alvin F. Poussaint
http://blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2008/06/real-men-dont-w.html
Why do we persist in blaming the black family crisis on "unwed mothers"? True, roughly 70% of black babies are born each year to single mothers, mostly poor. One reason for the prevalence of single motherhood: Black females who used to get
married when they became pregnant are no longer doing so. More than that, some black women don't
want to marry the fathers of their babies because they contribute little beyond their sperm. Due to injustice and bad choices, many black men are unemployed, unemployable, or wards of the criminal justice system.
No one can speak honestly of black family hardships without addressing the issue of the estrangement of "unwed fathers" from their children.
Real men do not walk away from the mothers of their babies. A father is expected to help take care of his children, but some of these men have trouble
taking care of themselves. The more socially impotent black men are feeling, the more they will rely on sexual conquests to prove their manliness. But
having drive-by babies whom they abandon only reflects their insecurity.
The situation is by no means hopeless. Once black men claim their children and feel the warmth of a hug, they will begin to understand what fatherhood is all about. Many young men have been struggling with the challenges that come with greater father involvement. They simply do not know how to be fathers. Many have never seen a real father in action. Later, they do not realize the importance of fathers in a child's healthy development, or the fact that unemployed, separated and unwed fathers can still contribute significantly to their children's well-being.
Thankfully, some African-American men are already confronting the father-child estrangement. They have formed organizations, such as 100 Black Men of America and Concerned Black Men, to serve as mentors for young black males. Civil rights and faith-based groups have developed "black male responsibility" projects. National organizations, including the Boys and Girls Clubs of America and Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, reach out to young black males, keeping them on the path to achievement. Government policies supporting fathers, such as the earned income tax credit, are also important. All these efforts deserve our whole-hearted support for the good of America.
In some difficult cases, men with low self-esteem avoid their children simply because they see themselves as bad role models. What they need to appreciate is that from the moment they commit themselves to their child, they can still become good role models.
Kids, thank goodness, don't ask for a résumé or for references. They don't want to see our bank accounts. They just want fathers in their lives.
Bill Cosby and Alvin F. Poussaint are co-authors of Come On, People: On the Path From Victims to Victors.
